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Hey Everybody,
Welcome to the next part of my update. We are in Vietnam now, very much back on the tourist trail after China and Tibet and ever closer to those ladyboys who are lying in wait for young Declan.
Overall China was a really excellent place, however, having been in Tibet and seeing what the Chinese have done to it, it was difficult to return there feeling the same way about the place. You need to separate the Chinese people from the Chinese government in your mind but that is not very easy. This is especially the case as the people have been used as a tool by the Chinese government to flood the country and dilute the Tibetan population and the culture, demoting them to second class citizens. More about Tibet later when we have put up pictures of this wonderful place and the people, and I have had time to cool down and think about the situation a bit more.
Back to China and we have now put photos up of our time in Xi'an, Guilin and Yangshou.
Xi'an is the closest city for visiting the Terracotta warriors. The city itself is probably the first city that I have visited where all the city walls are still intact. Unfortunately this meant that we could go for a cycle on the wall on a tandem bike, making it the worst Valentines Day ever for me (one of Dec's better ones I think). We met some lovely people in our hostel in Xi'an. Joss and Antonia from Bath travelled with us to the Terracotta warriors and we went on to bump into them again in Yangshou. We had some really enjoyable meals with them, Isabella and Alexandra from Brazil and Pilar from Mexico. I even got to practice a little spanish. The staff in the hostel were really friendly to us as well.
One phenomenon that I only discovered on arriving in China was that young Chinese people take English names as well. I now feel bad about wronging McDonald's. I had thought that all the Chinese employees in Irish McDonalds with name-badges like Sheila, Patrick and Sean meant that McDonalds forced them to change their Chinese names to more customer friendly western names, or else, were making them wear old name badges, not so. Some of the names the Chinese teenagers pick are a little less conventional and so far we have met the following: Wolf, Carrot, Ivy, Crystal, Lily, Mo Money, Shaquille O'Neill, David Beckham, Sherry, Office, Jimmy Gates and the list goes on and on.
In my last update, I was unduly lenient on Declan, perhaps I was in a hurry to get the site updated, perhaps my head was a little light due to finishing off the report in Lhasa at 3,700m, whatever the reason, I am going to make up for it now. This is in retaliation for his Beijing update which appears to slander me in every paragraph - often twisting the facts or including things that just didn't happen. What follows below is 100% true and has not been twisted by me in any way.
Things I have learned about Declan and various Declan related stories
1. We have been travelling now from a while and Dec has not yet bought a daybag. I brought a small one on the trip which cost me 30 euro in Spain but soon discovered that this was not big enough to carry my jacket or a jumper, Lonely Planet or water etc. I therefore bought a new "North Face" bag in Beijing for 3 euro which is much better. I could have probably got it for 2 euro if I had shopped around more. Dec initially started to place his jacket, journal, etc. in to my daybag also. I pointed out to him that the bags were so ridiculously cheap that he should consider getting one for himself to share the load. Dec informed me that it wasn't really an issue of cost and that he just didn't feel like carrying around a bag with him everywhere!!! Things have gotten better since as he has borrowed my smaller bag and by consistently overfilling it he has made a very small hole in it way bigger. He has also stepped on my "North Face" bag, breaking the strap. He has refused several offers from locals to sew the smaller bag including one made as we entered a train station 1 hour early to wait for a train. Apparently, stopping outside for the 2 euro sewing job would have been a waste of his time.
2.Dec consistently mishears people. Maybe because I have alot of Spanish friends I am used to listening to English spoken with an accent but this does not excuse Dec. We met a Canadian guy called "Ben" and Dec then asked me later where he got a name like "Bad". One girl commented that the meat she had gotten tasted like "Liver" and Dec broke out laughing wondering how the hell she knew what "Beaver" tasted like. There are more but I won't go on for fear of embarrassing Dec.
3.About once a week Dec gets spontaneous nosebleeds. They can happen anywhere, the pub, restaurant or supermarket. Obviously Dec never has tissues and so he just spends the rest of the day covered in blood. I don't know about you but usually in the films when someone has a disease or tumour and they don't know it, they always start getting a few nosebleeds and suspect nothing...then one day, bang. Let's hope Dec makes it until September or I will be left with the moral dilemma of whether to accompany the body home. Well I guess at that point Dec will finally have got a bag that suits him.
4.Dec has bought a camera for the trip that is absolutely crap. The camera came out of hiding today for the first time in about a month. Dec decided that his 16 MB memory card was not big enough (correct) and so ordered a 512mb one on ebay a week before leaving (good idea) ..but ordered it from Hong Kong (uh oh). At least he will be returning home to a shiny new card and sure in the meantime he can just help me use up mine, much less hassle for him I'm sure.
5.Mixing food. On one occasion, I would not use my knife to cut my fried egg as it had jam on it (had used it for my toast). I was managing grand just using my fork but Dec couldn't believe it. He then reverted to a 12 year olds state of mind and told me that all the food was going to end up in my stomach and therefore I should not care what was mixed with what!
6.There is only one answer to the question "Did Dec bring deodorant on the trip" and it doesn't begin with "Y".
7.And finally, I am proud to possess an element of what could be called Cork "cuteness". As both of Dec's parents are from Kerry he has tragically been born without this. So, for example, this is the kind of thing that happens when we go bargaining in the markets:
I will see something I like - some random souvenir and decide that I will pay a maximum of 3 euro (or the equivalent) - I therefore put all my other money in my pocket and go to the stall armed with my wallet containg 3 euro
Trader: Hello, you like hat, very nice hat, you from Ireland, for u special price for hat, just today, special price - 6 euro.
Liam: What?? 6 euro, no no no, too expensive, tomorrow we go home and we have little money left, I can only pay 2 euro, sorry.
Trader: Two euro, sorry, for two euro I lose money, is very good hat, Irish people they love this hat, best price for me, 5 euro.
Liam: 5 euro, I am sorry, is a present for my sister and I only have little money, for me final offer 3 euro. (I then show my almost empty wallet and show my three euro equivalent).
Trader: Three euro (trader makes face), three euro too cheap.
Liam: Well I only have three, sorry I will have to leave the hat (I feign walking away).
DECLAN: Liam, here I have two euro.
Trader: Now, your friend can give you two, 5 euro, perfect, good price, everybody happy.
Liam: Thanks Declan, old buddy.
It is certainly not the masterclass in bargaining.
In addition, in Kunming when we were leaving on the bus to Vietnam, a guy who claimed to work for the bus company (and may well have as they allowed him on the bus) tried to charge us extra for our rucksacks on the bus. He led us from the station to the bus and continually told us to trust him - I of course was on high alert. As he tried to speed us into the bus and charge us extra, I threatened to call the police and walked back to the station. Realising he was dealing with a cute Corkman he panicked and told us that there would be no charge for the bags (of course there was never a charge and he was trying to rip off the foreigners). I gave out to him and then got on the bus. He followed us on and said that while he understood I was angry, he wondered if we could give him a tip for leading us to the bus. The cheek. I couldn't believe it and was about to tear into him for trying to get a tip off us after trying unsuccessfully to rip us off. Then a voice popped up behind me, "Liam, I think we should tip him". I wasn't sure who I wanted to hit first, the con-man or Dec for wanting to tip him. I told the con artist to f*ck off before I got down off my sleeper bed and after a few seconds of pleading he finally obliged.
There were more stories I wanted to put up but they have been edited to spare Dec - I will have to share them with everyone when I get home - and imagine, the ladyboys haven't even got their claws into him yet.
Anyway, back to the trip. We have also put up photos of Yangshou which has been one of my favourite places on the trip so far. It was a nice small place, touristy but still chilled out and had a Dub count of absolute zero. We met up with our friend Joss and Antonia again. The area around the town is surrounded by limestone karst peaks and it really was spectacular. Yangshou was also the scene of heartache. I was stood up for the first time in my life. In Yangshou we met up with two Chinese girls, Pamela and Candy. Dec had more of any eye for Candy while I favoured Pamela. We hung around with the girls for a few days and then one day it was decided by the girls that we should all go for a head massage and hair wash (and that's all it was, I promise). I really hit it off with the owner, Zhang Go Yung (female), who washed my hair and instantly forgot about Pamela. Despite Zhang's lack of English, I had a book of international chat-up lines given to me by one of my work colleagues and I used a few of those. I had too things in my favour, one, I knew the Chinese for I love you, wo ai ni, and also, Zhang was impressed by my thick and lustrous hair. We flirted for a while but that was as far as it went. We returned however the next day with our friends Joss and Antonia, Pamela had been left behind at this stage. Zhang grabbed me as soon as I went in and threw me into a seat. The flirting continued and we arranged to meet than night in a place known as 'Kiss Bar'. She was dubious about my sincerity but I assured her that I would be there. It was like we were daring each other to turn up. 40 minutes, for 40 minutes I waited in the club but she never showed up. Instead I got to watch a impossibly bad Karaoke caberet performance where the spotlight was flashed on me for being the only westerner in the bar. I was asked by the MC where I was from and why I was sitting on my own. I was invited on stage but I refused not sure whether China was ready for the musical genius of Johnny Logan. The next day I met Zhang in the street and we joked for a while and she more or less said in Chinese "You b#llocks, I knew u were only messing and u were not going to turn up, there is no way u went to Kiss Bar". Zhang baby, if you are reading this, I was there, crying myself a river.
We are enjoying a few days of a beach holiday at the moment in Vietnam and we will update u about that in due course. Anyone who cannot wait the month or so to see me in my swimming togs and CHIPS sunglasses can email me separately, discretion assured (Zhang that includes you).
Until next time, keep it real.
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